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Just a short piece of writing done for uni:
An expression can say so much, and yours had said it all. The words tumbled from your lips, “I love you.” The familiarity was there, the warmth was not. I had seen it on your face and in everything you didn’t say. You kissed me. I tried for more but you pulled back with a tight smile. The fiery light that used to dance in your eyes every time you looked at me was fading. It barely flickered. I know that you thought you were hiding it well, but you just could not hide it from me. I had watched you for the last three years, I knew the very thoughts that crawled along inside your head even before you voiced them. The words you were saying meant nothing. I wasn’t listening. I knew you were just telling me what you thought I wanted to hear. Keep her, like an obedient, little puppy, waiting excitedly for her master to return. The drowning silence from me should have told you something was wrong, but you just weren’t listening hard enough to realise.
You placed your warm hand on my arm while spilling more insignificant words, a jumble of cover-ups and lies lacing together like a spider’s web, a web you thought you had me trapped in. I didn’t listen, I didn’t care what stories you were using, I knew what was really going on. As every word flowed from your mouth, I wondered for how long you would keep up the pretence. I could not believe you could not see the pain and suspicion etched into my usually smiling face. How could you not see that I was not buying any of your stories any more?
You were getting ready for work and with every activity I became more certain that you did not love me any more. I wondered how many others there were, how many times had you cheated on me before and just how had I not heard it sooner in the silence that rolled around your fabrications of the truth. As you downed a cup of coffee I could see you thinking about another woman, dreaming of her lips, wanting to press them against your own just like that mug. As you styled your mop of unruly brown hair in the bedroom mirror, I recognised the look of excitement on your face. It was the same look you used to get getting ready for our dates, only now it was saved for someone else.
You stalked out of the apartment without shouting “goodbye” and “see you later on.” I waited for you to come back to rectify this, to say goodbye and pull me into your embrace, saying everything your words could not with your body language. You never, you had not even heard your own silence. The silence that was so loud I could barely stand it. I had already lost you. I knew it in everything you didn’t say.
I dragged myself from the unmade bed, thinking about all the memories we had made there, all of the mornings I had woken up to see you watching me, silently, with a look of adoration etched onto your skin. I showered and tried to sing myself into happiness. It was no use, my happy singing words were no match for the silence you had left behind. I fell back into the silent thoughts stirring through my mind.
You would probably never realise it was the silence and everything you had stopped saying that had give the game away. For every word that spills from your lips, remember the ones you are not saying, those are the ones that show your true nature and motives. Stay silent and you say more than you ever could imagine.